5 years ago today...

Today feels pretty empty.

I wondered how I would feel today. Honestly, I can say I don't feel much of anything. I tried my best to ignore most of the coverage. So many events and remembrances peppering the country. I guess it's a good thing but these gatherings seem incredibly polarizing. They're great for people who watch from a distance and feel a deep empathy for those who had to experience first hand such a spectacular and devastating sequence of events. It's a way to demonstrate support. And they're comforting for people who were right in the thick of it, exposed and vulnerable.

But there's a lot of people out there like me who are just, well, in between. It's awkward to talk about what my experience was like because by all means I was incredibly fortunate. I was not in as much danger as the thousands stranded in the WTC. We were two blocks away, scared as hell and unable to leave our residence in lower Manhattan. But we were right there, watching the events unfold in front of our eyes. The scene was simply devastating. But I think back on how strong my group of friends and I were. Along with a group of about 8 people, we stuck together and helped get each other through the fear and uncertainty. The images cannot escape my memory and it is something I will remember the rest of my life.

Being here in Portland, it's easy to not talk about it. We're so far removed from New York. Most people have no idea I was even near the WTC on 9/11/01. I can easily slip through this day each year without speaking about it to anyone. Kristin always checks in on me and I appreciate that greatly. She does a wonderful job of keeping it all in perspective. She called me at work today and that really touched me. I also had great conversations with Kris--who was in midtown that day until we lost communication--and my buddy Anish, who was with me in his building that day. For the last five years, he and I have always connected on this day. My other buddy, Scott, also gave me a call even though we haven't talked since last year. I miss those guys and am grateful they were with me during that day (even if I had no shirt on and only one flip-flop).

It's just so crazy looking back on it all. I am so fortunate for everything this day five years ago made me. Today, I am a better person with a much more complete life. I have great friends, an incredible family and an amazing wife. So despite all the emptiness I feel at this moment, I know that it will soon pass.

I wish all of those who lost family and friends comfort on this day.